It's been too long!

Just as life goes on day by day, so has my efforts to treat this blog as a place of daily expression.  I have been so wrapped up in "living" the last several years, that I haven't made the time to treat this as a priority.  In fact, I nearly forgot I even started it truth be told!!!  :D

So today begins the Easter Season.  A fresh new beginning to let the Lord shine upon my soul and show me areas where maybe I am not in line with His best for me.  It's a day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  I am looking forward to seeing what He shows me this Season.  A new day, a new way.  Perhaps.  But perhaps He also wants to show me just how far I have come over the years.  Maybe He wants to encourage me to keep on keeping on in the same direction I am headed.  I am open to whatever He has for me.  Lord, use me, teach me, mold me into a vessel that you can use.  Break me down, build me up.  Show me the road you have for me.  Let me be a shining light upon a hill that beckons others to find You.  You are mine and I am yours.  Amen and amen.

Day 1:  Learn to listen for the Lord's voice in every situation.

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." (John 10:27)

Creating a Colorful Journey

Life is a divine journey that we fill in the colors along the way. I'm recovering from surgery I had last week, so I've had lots of time to sit and relax (well, as much as possible). I keep asking myself what colors am I using in my crayon repertoire today? Some days I use a lot of red when I am full of energy, laughter and witty comments. Other times, I overuse brown when I'm feeling lonely, tired or just at odds with the world around me.

I use reds, orange and yellow in many areas of my life. The bright colors are the words the world uses to describe me on most days. It is through my exhuberance that I help encourage others to live a life of joy. But there are other impossible times where dark shades of gray try to overtake my otherwise happy thoughts. It's easy to push those gray days away when I am busy with life jumping from one task to another, but what happens when I am forced to be still for long periods of time and I don't have to put on a rainbow show for anyone? What colors do I gravitate toward then? It depends...

What is within my thought life? Well, again, that depends... what am I choosing to watch on television? What am I reading? What am I listening to on the radio? Who am I choosing to spend time with? Each of my focused thoughts also determine what colors are most worn down in my crayon box. Lately, browns encircle my journey as frustrations in not finding a job, the inclement weather, and in the uncertainty of our world events are swirling around me. I am naturally drawn to brown even though others would contridict me. Creating a world of bright colors in my life has been a daily decision for me, literally. When I choose to pick up the reds and yellows, there are times I fight it... I don't want to be cheerful today, I want to wallow in self-pity, I want to make others feel the pain I am feeling, I just don't feel like being nice. But when I decide to fight through the thoughts of living in a colorless world, I realize I am opening myself up to a beautiful decision that leads into amazing results for me and to the lives I touch each day.

I am blessed to have family members who encourage me to color my world with vibrance. There is a saying that "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy", so they, too, have a direct benefit in my color choices! I've learned that everything runs more smoothly when I emphasize the right colors. People around me seem more peaceful and happy. And an amazing thing happens when I make that choice in my own private world...it is filled with more hope and contagious enthusiasm then I can contain! And I impact my world for the better! What colors are worn down in your crayon box?

Easter and a Reason for Smiles!

This past month has been a time of great reflection about important things in life. More importantly... Life is Important! And life is fleeting...

Yesterday while visiting our son's church, the message was as if pointed directly at my heart. Quite frankly, my attitude needs adjustment. I am simply amazed that no matter how many times I hear the very powerful Easter message, I come away with "aha's" like I am hearing it for the very first time. Maybe that is the joy of the Christian message in a beautifully wrapped package called Easter. He is Risen! The Tomb is Empty! We have a reason to rejoice in living, no matter the difficulty we endure while living it. Simply put....the message of rebirth helped me make a decision to once again not look at my circumstances. To surrender all. To believe that a new beginning is here right now. Not tomorrow, not next week, but NOW! All I have to do is lay down my control and allow God to make the decisions that are right for my life. Ah, but that is the hard part, isn't it?

Every day is a day of surrendering. Then and only then can real change occur and just like the perfect Easter message, it is in the exact measure in which it is to occur for my life. "If it is to be, then it is up to God to make it be..." I like that. How about you?

On my way to Boise...

Our family is going through a tragedy right now. It hurts. It is real...hearts and dreams are broken.

My nephew, Nate Mansfield, age 27, passed away last Wednesday, March 11. No words can describe the sadness my heart experienced, and yet, it is no where near the sadness my brother and his family felt. The rawness. The unbelief that it actually happened. The daily numbness...

While I sit here making plans to get on a plane to Boise tomorrow with my brothers and sisters beside me, I wonder about how we will all get through this. The truth is we won't. Nate's life touched each of ours. Even though we didn't often talk, we always knew he was out there, and when we got to see each other at family events, there was Nate with his big smile, warm laughter, and great big hugs for each of us. He loved us. We knew he did...

So tomorrow begins a journey that I have never experienced before. Losing someone so young is never easy for anyone to wrap their minds around. To say goodbye will wrench our souls. God already knows this. He is prepared to carry that sorrow as it will eventually turn into joy and remembering a life with fondness and wonderful memories. The joy is knowing that we will see Nate again because of our faith in Jesus Christ. No doubts, no concerns. We WILL see him again, and when that happens, there will be laughter in Heaven...

HAS IT BEEN 4 MONTHS??? Yikes!!!

Well, two people asked me today if I was blogging anymore on this site! I took that as a sign that I needed to get back on here! So here I am!

So much has happened since September 26 (EXACTLY 4 months to the day of my last post!) We finally moved to Alexandria, VA, and have settled into a neighborhood just down the street from George and Martha Washington's final resting place. It is a wonderful place to live and every day I pinch myself as I make my way down George Washington Parkway and see the Washington Monument in front of me. I mean, we LIVE outside Washington, D.C.!!! Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would live here! In fact, my sister and I just talked today (she was one that asked about my blogging adventures or lack thereof) and we both are amazed that things we never thought would be a part of our lives are now on a regular basis! That's just how life is, isn't it?

On January 20 this year, my family and I went to the Inauguration of our first African-American President. It was such an amazing experience, and though we didn't vote for him, we could appreciate all the people that never thought they'd see the day a black man/woman would be President of the United States! Talk about a life-changing moment for all of us. Millions of people were there sharing an historical event such as many of us have never seen in our lifetimes. Standing there, freezing I must admit, watching the teletron with President Obama taking the Oath of Office, saying he would "uphold the position of President of the United States of America, so help me, God" left me with goosebumps (and not just because I was cold!). Shouts of victory went up all over the place and we heard our voices amongst the rest!! It was just so neat - a memory we will never forget.

So when you think you'll never see something transpire in your lifetime, don't blink an eye when it happens! It's a surprise event that will leave you breathless! Enjoy!

A Filter of Hope

This morning I am listening, half-heartidly, to the news as I read through several blogs of encouragement I read each day that give me things to think about (to chew on really) throughout the day. If I chose to listen to what the news was saying, I think my heart would skip a beat. The current financial crisis America is facing is really a global issue. Our money affects EVERYONE. Our economic decisions here on our soil impact the smallest of investments halfway around the world. It is times like these that I look to the Heavens "where my help comes" and decide to turn down the volume on the television.

I used to get caught up in the daily turning of our world. I felt if I knew everything that was going on, then I would be informed enough to help those around me when the time came. I'd be ready. The truth is, as I listen too closely, my heart and soul absorb the contents being spoken and I find myself grappling with negativity and pessimism. Not that I want to be an ostrich with my head in the sand, I just realize that I am very sensitive to surrounding energies, and I choose to exclude the world as it turns or at least lessen its impact by concentrating on good. I decide to see the world through a more insightful filter... a filter of hope.

A more important question for me is who do I affect on a daily basis. What family, friends and neighbors need my help? How can my life impact another, even with a smile? I first have to have a smile stashed away inside my soul before I can give it away. Like Anne Frank wrote in her diary as she sat in a concentration camp looking out at what we would consider a bleak world, "I choose to be happy." If, given her environment, Anne can make a choice to be happy, how much more do we have available to us?

When the world shows us its ugly side, we have a choice. We can fret about our future and trap the negativity into our being, or we can reach out to others and be a positive light of encouragement that illuminates an unstable world. I know the choice I desire to make. How about you?

Saying Goodbye

There is never an easy way to say goodbye to those you love. I have had a very busy month in my life saying goodbye in many areas. None of them were easy or timely. In fact, they were a little shocking to my system.

On August 29, my wonderful mother-in-law of nearly 30 years passed away just three days after being diagnosed with cancer. None of the immediate family was prepared for this. Mom was 86 and up until the last year, she had all her faculties about her. Little did we know that she was extremely tired and apparently very ready to go. We all felt the diagnosis gave her the permission she needed to check out this side of Heaven. The doctor gave her less than six months at her appointment and being a self-determined woman, she figured that was a bit too long to linger. But, she didn't go out without being prepared. She lived a life of conviction and faith and passed those qualities along to her children. While she held that spirituality was a very personal relationship, she did not hesitate to show God's love in her everyday actions. She was a giving woman with such a big heart and she will be greatly missed (for now). We can rest assured that we WILL see her again on the other side of life's curtain. Even so, we mourn. Life is less full without her in it.

Just two weeks later, I lost a beloved pet of mine. His name was Charlie and he was 11-years old. How do you say goodbye to something where you were responsible for every one of his needs since birth? Though there is no comparison to the loss of a human being, losing Charlie tore at my soul as much as losing a parent figure. He had been absolutely fine one day, and the next morning he died in my arms apparently of a blood clot. Within one minute of waking, he was gone. His eyes meeting mine as he passed into Animal Afterlife. I have never had a pet die. I cannot put into words what I am feeling exactly, but its such a profound sense of loss. He had been such a good friend to me while my husband traveled and he filled up the empty side of the bed every night with gratitude. I know I will recover and the sun will shine again, but for now, the painful rawness I cannot shake.

On top of the loss of loved ones, I am also in the process of moving out of Georgia where I have called home for over 20 years. We are moving to the D.C. area, and I am trying very hard to find the silver lining in what I think of as clouds right now. I am determined to know that God is carrying my family to a new adventure and new beginnings. I want to believe that He has our best in mind...but still, in a deep recess in my heart, I am a weary traveler not sure where to call home or really whether or not I want a new home...but I DO trust that He knows even my smallest of concerns and will be there to help carry me forward into the life He has planned for me.

How do you cope with loss of any kind? For me, it is faith in action. I know that life will go on, and my hope is in the realness that I serve a God who has everything worked out already. I do not have to carve a path that no one else has traveled. He has always traveled EVERY path before me. I rest in that today. I know He will never give me more than I can handle and that gives me the peace I need to take another step. I choose to be happy. I choose to believe the best is yet to be....