The Petals of Life

Chapter 125. That's the chapter I am on in my life right now. In book language, that's one heck of a novel! In the last 24 hours, I have made decisions based on a multitude of prayers and thoughtful delay. I am a real estate Coach/Trainer. Or should I say, I was. I have worked in real estate for the last 15 years beginning as an agent, going on to become a Broker of two companies and branching out into the coaching and training arena over the years.

Aside from my identity as a mother, my career was a close second. So for me to change course of any kind, I kept putting off any decision until I heard and saw loud, clear signs, which of course I did not. But I did catch small glimpses of "what if's" for quite some time. What if there was something more for me out there? Could I reinvent myself? What if I did go into the unknown and not just be okay, but totally thrive? Yesterday, I turned the page, gave notice at my job and decided to seriously entertain the vast array of what if's I have tucked away. I have ventured onto a new path, and the funny thing is I don't know exactly where the path is heading AND I'm okay with it! I'm even fascinatingly excited! Goodness, only God could do something like that!

Remember in my last entry, I mentioned that "still small voice"? Once again, I heard a message asking me to trust and go "this way." Isn't it funny that through small glimpses the Lord prepares you for some new adventure even before you know there is going to be an adventure! So, when I heard the whisper, I prayed the Lord would show me where He was leading me. He answered very quickly, and He used my children as megaphones.

My husband has worked in the D.C. area since the end of February on Navy orders. Due to the nature of Reservist military orders, I was not willing to uproot from our home of 20 years until I knew those orders were permanent and stable. I thought I was going to be able to live apart just as well as I had when he was deployed to Bosnia, Italy and Virginia over the years. Turns out I was wrong.

Yesterday, I made the decision to start the wheels in motion toward moving to be with my husband in D.C. The whisper was guiding me all the way. I knew that getting a house prepared to sell and moving to a new area would take it's toll on my energy, so I decided to give up my job to concentrate on going where God is ultimately calling me. It's not easy packing up dreams and memories of 20 years, but when I explained to my adult children what I felt was happening, they spoke to me in a powerful way...

As my sons and I were eating dinner, I compared my life to a flower. As a mother, each of the petals represented my children; the remainder, activites my children and I shared over the years. As the years have rolled by, the petals are slowly falling off one by one. At the core of the flower, however, once all the petals are no longer attached, there is the core which I believe is God and me. I'm no longer sure what I am outside of being a mother (and a Realtor). Do I dare dream there may be something else for me? Somewhere in the back recesses of my mind, I seem to remember dreaming of writing and public speaking.... but that was so long ago...

My second child, Stephen, asked me to think that the petals might have fallen, but they were not dead; in fact, they are alive and thriving. He said, "Mom, this time is for you. You've been a Mom and raised three fully functioning children, and now it's time for you and Dad to go toward your dreams." He then went on to tell me about before he joined the military, he was pretty much scared of everything in his life. The military helped him gain courage and to realize that "that which does not kill you, makes you stronger" and that if he takes one step at a time, each of those individual steps would lead to where he needs to go. The word encourage means to give inspiration and courage to another. He did that for me in a very big way.

Fast forward to this morning, when my oldest child, Shannon, called me. I told her the turn of events the day before and how I had shared my flower analogy with the boys. Once again, the encouragement came to me through her words as well. For at the end of our conversation, she said to me, "Mom, because the petals fell, you now have a beautiful bowl of potpourri." Smiling gratefully, I told her that yes, I truly believe I do!